Palms like fish skin I watch the road
Every corner could be a ticket
Darkness surrounds my car as i move along
Not daring to go 1 mile above the limit
Eyes moving like a metronome, sweeping for a hint of danger
Dangerous thoughts circle my head, I can't focus
Halfway there and I can't not think about it
If I'm caught it's over
Who knows what will happen to me
They can't put me in jail, can they?
Slowly, I pull into the foreboding driveway,
Another car stares me down, headlights off but menacing
I turn off my car and wish it could've been silent
Every step is an earthquake and my heart is in my throat
The door could not be squeakier and the lock a loud thunk
My shoes won't come off and I panic, the strings like dried rawhide
My socks slide on the icy floor
I go up the ominous stairs
My voice is a whisper
My dad grunts in response
I'm home and safe, 20 pounds lighter
I drift to sleep, happy as a clam
Knowing I pulled off a miracle
You use of imagery and description in this poem is fantastic! When I was reading it, I felt as I were there, watching it all happen. Your vivid word choice captivated my attention. I would suggest reworking some of the line breaks. A few are pretty long. I think that splitting them into two separate lines would add to the intensity of the poem.
ReplyDeleteLove this one! My favorite bit is the pacing of the line breaks actually. Each one is like a single thought. It matches the pace perfectly. The imagery is also very good, there isn't a line where the wording feels awkward or dull. This works really well over all.
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